Apr 26, 2009

Unexpected Emotions

So I have less than 6 weeks to go before I become a mommy of two...so exciting right?

Well, the past few days I have been feeling really sad about Ethan not being my baby anymore. It's so strange for me because I am not your typical girl who gets emotional about these types of things. Maybe I can blame it on my pregnancy hormones but I've just been getting sad that Ethan is growing up and that pretty soon we'll have another baby that gets lots of mommy's attention and Ethan won't get all of it anymore.

Of course I am so excited about her arrival and for Ethan to have a little sister and I'm not experiencing that "How can I love another baby just as much as Ethan" thing at all but I just feel a little sad that he's growing up, he won't be the baby anymore and so on. It's such a mixed emotions thing because you love to watch them grow and develop into little people....I look forward to each stage of life with him but I just look at his baby pictures and think about all the days and nights I used to nurse him, rock him, watch him roll over for the first time....and now those days are long gone, he's a big boy now!

I was watching videos of him last night...when we were getting ready to take him home from the hospital, his first bath....it made me all teary eyed and I almost went in his room and woke him up just so I could hold him! Don't worry, we are finally back to him sleeping through the night, I wouldn't dare so such a thing, lol!

I'll never forget the first night we brought Ethan home. He was extremely fussy and nothing was seeming to comfort him. Jeremy was starting to feel really overwhelmed and I'll never forget him coming in the bedroom while Ethan is screaming and saying to me, "If you just let me go to bed in the other room I'll do all the laundry and dishes tomorrow." LOL. Of course I told him to go to bed and that I would take care of him. I remember feeling so exhausted and this was like day #4 with no sleep and I remember telling myself, "Keri, enjoy every moment...even the hard ones because you'll get through it and before you know it these days of him being little will be over and you'll miss it." Here I am 14 months later totally seeing the truth in my thoughts at that time...I must be pretty smart ;)

On an exciting note, I am very excited about this little one coming soon and still can't believe I'm getting my little girl. I told Jeremy the other day I won't believe it's a girl until I see her with my own eyes. I have a friend that was told they were having a little girl and out popped a boy! I know I am going to enjoy the newborn stage so much more this time because I just did it with Ethan and I'll be that much more comfortable with her and I know what to expect and what not to worry about, etc. I really am looking forward to being a family of four I just miss Ethan being my itty bitty baby also that's all. I know they will be great together though and I hope Ethan grows to adore his baby sister. I can't wait to take pictures of them together, it will be so cute!

Another thing I can't wait to do is reveal her NAME! I am so not the type to keep secrets when it comes to baby stuff and I am ready to stop calling her Bertha and start calling her by her most beautiful name to the rest of the world. Should I give a hint? Ok ok I will give you one hint....her first, middle and last name combined is 19 letters. Good luck :)

Mixed Emotions Momma

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