Oct 1, 2010

Happy October!

Is it just me or does summer go by faster than any other season? I can't believe October is already here. It's been a summer full of mixed emotions for me, that is forsure.

Our vacation was wonderful. We really enjoyed ourselves and it was so nice to get away for a week and just relax, spend time with family and have fun. The condo was beautiful. We loved everything about it. Everything in it just seemed to be high quality, which is always a plus. We set up a portable crib for Ethan (he sooo loved sleeping in the same room as us) and then Gracelyn was in her pack n' play which was set up in the closet. We had a huge closet so it worked out perfectly. The kids had a good time and kept us busy, as always :) Aunt Kristy babysat two nights for us so that we could go out, which was very nice. Thank you Aunt Kristy, we love you!

My friend Josh got married the Saturday we left for our vacation and I was so sad I couldn't be there. As was he. The good news was that he honeymooned across the street from where we were staying. HA! He had called me up months early wondering if I had any ideas where they could go. I told him that we were going to Virginia Beach and that there was a lot to do in the area. So I told him a website with tons of different places and they found a place and it just happened to be directly across the street from our place. Too funny. So, we took them out to dinner one night and talked about their wedding (which sounded beautiful and perfect) and just caught up. We then went out for ice cream after and boy was it yummy! The place we went to is rated top ten in the country! All their ice cream is home made of course and really yummy. I was in the mood for a shake and so I ordered a vanilla shake. I didn't realize until after Josh ordered his much cooler shake that you could get a shake made in ANY of their flavors. Which was many and all sorts of cool flavors. Josh thought it was so funny that we went to this amazing ice cream place and here I order a plain vanilla shake. Oh well, it was still very yummy and we went there more than once :) They then came back to our place to hang out and play this game "Mafia" with us that is sooo much fun to play in big groups. They stayed until like 2 in the morning and we had so much fun together. I am so mad at myself though because I totally forgot to get a picture of us together! I brought my camera to the restaurant, left it in the van and totally forgot about it. Boo! Anyhow, it was great seeing them and we felt quite special that they dedicated a day to us on their honeymoon.

The boys went golfing a few times, we swam in the ocean, laid on the beach, went to the Virginia Aquarium (just me, my sis and cousin, the kids didn't go), shopped, it really was so much fun. One day we went to the actual Virginia Beach where they had a sandcastle contest and arts and craft show. It was so much fun! These people came from all over the world to do the sand castles and wow, they sure were amazing! I took pictures of all of them but will just share my two favorites.

One night Jer went out to dinner with my bro and sis. I had put the kids to bed and was laying in our room on our bed waiting for them to fall asleep. I was lying there alone...in the dark...when the tears hit me like a wave.

We lost the baby.

I had hopped on facebook earlier that night and saw a friend post her ultrasound pic and then another friend talk about her pregnancy cravings and I'm sure that triggered the emotions a bit. I just laid there and cried...probably the hardest I've cried since it all happened. It took me off guard but I didn't fight the tears, I knew I needed to get them out. I feel such a deep sadness when I think about how Ethan and Gracelyn were both the size of the baby that we lost and how much I love them and how much joy they bring to my life. When I think about how I would have loved this baby just as much, it's hard to stop the tears from flowing. I wonder often if it was a little boy or girl, would he/she have had big eyes like my other two, would I finally get a little redhead? While I feel God has given me so peace throughout this time in my life I have come to realize and understand that I am not done grieving and probably won't be for awhile. While I have more good days then bad, the bad still come and I've learned to just accept them and ask God to carry me through. He always does.

I'm so thankful it happened as early as it did in my pregnancy. The longer I would have gone the harder and harder it would be. And yet, I still experience that deep feeling of loss. 7 weeks, 5 days. That was still my baby. Ethan and Gracelyn's little brother or sister. I daydream often...wondering what he/she would have been like being a part of our family. This past week has been a bit emotional for me also at times as it marked 1 month of losing the baby. I know I will see my little one in heaven one day, but my heart still aches to know him or her here on earth.

Alright, moving on to some happiness. Here's a funny story to share.

So this past week we took a family trip to Meijer to grocery shop. Ethan was walking next to our cart when suddenly he ran off into one of the aisles. I was busy finding items on my list but he excitedly ran up to Jeremy with something in his hands that he wanted us to buy. Any guesses? ......well, I'm pretty sure you would never guess this.

Pigs Feet. That's right, he was all excited and handed Jer a jar of pigs feet. We couldn't stop laughing.

I will leave with a few of my favorite photos from our vacation. Enjoy!
Pretty girlGrae and Aunt KrisElizabeth and EthanThe boysThe girlsEthan trying on Nathan's glasses...perhaps a glimpse of the future? :)Ethan looking like a studGracelyn's "cheeeese" face And then the pic of our Virginia Beach Gang

Hope everyone is having a good start to their week! I know I am!

Momma Keri ♥

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